This verse was just given to me by one of my best spiritual mentors for this specific day and time in my life. This summer and fall have been one of the most difficult times in my life. To catch you up on things.
I started chemotherapy in June. 6 treatments every 20 days. It was not to bad until about the 3rd one and then all the stories you hear about how hard chemo is, well, I would have to say I agree. I was blessed to have my wonderful healing place at Caldera in my my home. I had friends come with me in between treatment to soak up the sun and gain my strength back spiritually and physically each month. The response after chemo was very good. The tumor was smaller and inactive. We had a celebration weekend on Labor Day with the boys. After the treatments were complete they put me on a maintenance therapy that I had once a month.
My Mother was struggling since her stroke last spring. She had been in a rehab center for months trying to gain strength enough to come home. She was home only a few weeks when a visit to her oncologist showed her lymphoma had returned and of course in her condition she was not able to have any treatment. God took her home October 15th. Our family was gathered around her and we gave her to Jesus that day with tears and comfort knowing she was finally in heaven with her Lord.
This past week I had new scans and more troubling news. The tumor is changing shape, which indicates the maintenance is not doing the job anymore. The normal protocol would be to put me on another chemotherapy drug. My Dr. highly recommends I look into a clinical trial medicine that works very well for patients like me that have done so well on Tarceva. That is the drug I used for about 18 months when I was first diagnosed. She has recommended a few places that the trial is available and Rocky and I plan on visiting them the week after Thanksgiving. UGH, another mountain to climb. I should be over the Rockie's by now! I was so happy to be done with chemo and now here we go again. God's timing was perfect when my Mom passed. I was on the maintenance and feeling so well. I trust His sovereignty every day. I claim His healing every day. I feel confusion and fear creeping in my spirit and I rebuke it in Jesus name constantly. I do not understand the path God has chosen for me and I know many poeple feel that way in regards to many things in their lives.
One thing I know I am God's child, He loves me more than I can imagine. "I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation." Psalm 91:16. I read that Psalm continually and claim it over my life. I will be meeting many more people involved in this trial, new Dr's and patients and nurses for me to share Christ with. I pray God uses me as His ambassador, a shining light in a scary place. I ask you to pray for God's peace and Holy Spirit to pour over me so I can walk in His presence every day. Sometimes we may have to wait and realize that "Perserverance must finish its work..James 1:4...and ultimately the Lord Himself is waiting to bestow a double blessing on us for our time of testing...(Streams in the Desert, November 15.....)
